Horrorscopes

horrorscopes-oracleMy monthly Horrorscopes are written using my intuition and twisted humour and are meant to be fun. It’s my way of saying we could all use a little divergence on our path and DON’T take yourself too seriously. Read and SEE what yours reveals!

 

 Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Something doesn’t quite smell right. Ever stop to think it could be stagnant water in that jug you have there on your shoulder. Everyone needs fresh water now and again to flush out the bad stuff. Go for it, be Brave. What’s that monotonous saying…Out with old and in with new? Ya… that.

 Pisces (February 18 – March 20): If you are fishing for compliments or hints, you’re not going to get it here. Reverse logic is the best option for you right now. Think fisherman instead of the fish. If you want to go after something big become the predator not the prey. Little fish in a big ocean school together for protection. If you aren’t ready to be the shark, look for like minded individuals to help you along the way.

 Aries (March 20 – April 20): Charging headlong into the fencepost isn’t the answer. If you choose to butt heads with everyone you encounter you will make enemies of them all. Take time to understand the  woollier, softer side to your nature that could be better presented.

 Taurus (April 20 – May 21): Blood, guts and gore are not what the bull should be looking for. Before you get into the ring and challenge others think about how you want this to end. While stubborn and headstrong are your feelings at the moment, this won’t last. Greener pastures lie just beyond and patience will open the gate.

 Gemini (May 21 – June 21): Birds of a feather flock together and you are of two minds right now. While remaining part of the flock is tempting, go wild and unleash those birds. Freedom comes in many forms you just have to look at the signs. If one says Keep Out and another says Welcome…which will you choose?

♋ Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Clicky clack, clicky clack. Those crab claws are swinging about wildly looking for someone to pinch. Right now your self-righteous, holier than thou attitude is already giving people a pain. No one is denying you have what it takes to get what you want but, expecting others to do it for you isn’t in the cards this month.

 Leo (July 22 – August 23): Go Forth and Roar! How many times have you heard that before? EVERYONE knows how fabulous you are right now – except you. Time to pull that thorn out of your paw and stop limping around. Get out there and shine like the Sun sign that you are.

 Virgo (August 23 – September 23): Let’s face it Virgo, your always perfect, methodical mind is awash with insecurities and self doubt and it has the rest of us uneasy. Anyone who knows you, knows you can be the most tedious of task masters with your nit picking and desire to be right. Should we worry? There is always a fresh victim for you just around the corner and this phase will pass.

 Libra (September 23 – October 23): Where does the phony balancing act end? Try and get through a day without having a meltdown and dragging everyone around you down like a lead weight. You have more questions then answers lately and it’s making everyone wish there was some form of justice they could exact.

 Scorpio (October 23 – November 22): Right now your sting has no effect on those around you and you feel like curling up in a cave somewhere and never coming out. Bruised egos have never been easy for you to deal with at the best of times. Crazy antics or exacting revenge won’t make you feel better and it certainly won’t win allies. Try putting the Stinger away for once and see what happens.

 Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Poor, forlorn, Sagittarius. Will anyone EVER understand you? The self pity and the anguish are getting boring. How about you wake up HAPPY tomorrow and see how that works for you? Just a thought – you never know what you might accomplish.

 Capricorn (December 21 – January 20): Face it, Capricorn…every other sign in the Zodiac hates you. You are perky, fun, and beautiful. Secretly we all can’t wait until you leave the room but…we also know you are loyal and will help us out when we need you. Makes us all feel better knowing that even if you are so darn perfect, you still can’t get a date.


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